You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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