its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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