Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
