have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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