I think I died a long time ago.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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