Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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