just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
