the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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