HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
