His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
