I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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