I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
