I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
