i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
