there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
