Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
