Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
