$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
