Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
should my penis look like a turkey
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
