Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He better not be in your backpack
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
