Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
