i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
