How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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