This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
