have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
