i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
