Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
