You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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