Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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