i already hear my dad disowning me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
