i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
