just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
