On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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