no, he came in my armpit
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
