you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
