spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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I need you to use more vowels.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
