There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
