You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
