i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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