Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
