so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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