I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
