I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
