As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
