dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
