69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
