i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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