I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
