you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
