If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
